I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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