Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
