Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
