He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
