i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
