Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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