dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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