I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
