fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
