My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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