im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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