Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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