i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
