why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
