Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
