After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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