By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
