My room smells like vodka and shame
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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