I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
