I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
