I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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