I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
