I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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