I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
