It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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