Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
