Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
