i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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