Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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