You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
