I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
