Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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