Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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