I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Of course I have a pirate flag
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
