Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
