i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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