i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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