Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize