I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
