I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
