standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize