she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
