Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
