I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
