Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize