I wish i was in the wii world.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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