You can't motorboat a personality
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
