he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did i walk over a car last night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry about my life...
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