So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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