Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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