don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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