so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
