I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize