So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
