So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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