Pappa wants mamma naked
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
