she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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