season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
