Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
