I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
