Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
