That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
