why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it's great music for shaving your balls
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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