Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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