I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
