Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
