Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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