walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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