in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
