btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
