Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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