There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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