No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
